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Time for a reality show in the US ...

En lægelig bedømmelse af Onkel Stanley's forvandling til Onkel Darkness - se alle FOTOS

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Af Klinisk psykolog Christina H. Rasmussen, Ph.D. - USA
Vi har modtaget dette spændende dokument fra den dansk-fødte USA-professor i psykologi, Christina H. Rasmussen, som forklarer Onkel Stanley's forvandling til Onkel Darkness under vores pladeindspilning på Bornholm. Hun foreslår, at Onkel Stanley får sit eget reality show - lissom Ozzy Osbourne - da dette er den eneste behandling, der vil virke på ham. Vi kunne ikke være mere enige ....!

OBS: Dokumentet er på engelsk - men vores egen Dr. Qwist har lavet en dansk version

March 2003 - To Danser med Drenge: 

I am a clinical psychologist, living in the US ... born in Denmark, meaning that I understand the cultural dynamics quite well. After having studied the Onkel Stanley / Onkel Darkness case, here is my clinical evaluation in english: 

Clinically speaking, it appears that Onkel Stanley has suffered  from "The Baby Boomer Sudden Mortality Recognition and Regret For the Paths Not Taken" personality disorder (in Denmark it is also referred to as Kirkegaard-a-mania) involving "too old to rock and roll" anxiety symptoms. I have seen many such cases wherein the patient experiences excessive bouts of anxiety when facing the nearing of a significant birthday. Symptoms include the distrubing emergence of an alter rock and roll personality (often referred to as the Milli Vanilli syndrome).  In Onkel Stanley's case, the alter personality is clearly consistent with the same personality emerging from Ozzy Osbourne. Sadly, Milli Vanilli were so whimpy that the treatment back fired. (Oh well...that is what mal practice insurance is for!) 

Treatment of such cases is often difficult since (as you have discovered) the patient is unwilling to  cooperate. It is therefore most effective to allow the patient to act out their personality ... preferrably in front of an audinece. Psychologists in America have had great success in treating these patients by giving them a reality show on major network television stations. In the case of Ozzy Osbourne, his reality show has resulted in him becoming quite mello and extremely harmless. The effects of his treatment are in fact similar to what is achieved with labotomy or other crude brain damage techniques.  Howerver, in Ozzy's case, only small animals were injured ... no nurses or psychologists were harmed.  The amazing additional benefit of this form of treatment is that it effectively labotomizes the viewing american public, again with no harmful operations or bloody mess to clean up. Thus, allowing psychologists the opportunity to provide treatment to millions by helping just one ... we LOVE that and express our own feelings by hugging ourselves regularly.

In my professional opinion, Onkel Stanley should be allowed to relinquish all self-responsibility, have unlimited access to a nurse (preferably with large boosoms), and be treated pharmaceutically with Tuborg and lagkage. His symptoms are likely to imporve once his psyche is relieved that turning fifty will not cause a clinically significant "Vitality impairment disorder."

I hope this information has been helpful. My clinical services are always at your dipsposal.

Christina H. Rasmussen, Ph.D

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